I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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