Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
