shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
