i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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