I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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