Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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