Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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