I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
