I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
