no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
