I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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