I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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