Actions speak louder than pants.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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