just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What a dumb baby whore.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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