I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
