If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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