apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
