Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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