But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
