I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
