And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
