rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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