i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize