i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
