It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
