If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
