omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
