I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
