it was like eating out sand paper
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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