Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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