Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
