Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
