You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
