If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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