New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
