Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
