69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
