If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im holly from the hills drunk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
