Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
