You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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