Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
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Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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