hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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