Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior

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(626): View more from California

i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.

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(630): View more from Illinois

You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(260): View more from Indiana

He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?

(1-260): View more from Indiana

Considering how often you blow him,high.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

soo how bad was i last night?

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.

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(917): View more from New York City

I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.

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(360): View more from Washington

After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.

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(905): View more from Ontario

How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?

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