Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.