I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
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I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation