John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us