Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?