i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
