yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying