so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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