I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
