The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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