Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
