The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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