walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
