I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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