Christians are straight up FREAKS
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need to calm my uterus...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
