guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
