So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
