1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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