if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
