I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize