You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
