Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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