you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
