You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
