your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
