Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
