The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
