Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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