does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
