The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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