i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
